Hell On Earth

The Last Puff

2007-06-01T00:07:00.001+03:00

The Last Puff, originally uploaded by Jani Helle.

This is the last puff of a cigarette at a bar in Finland for me... Sigh...

00.00.06 am, June 1st, 2007. Elmo Sports & Grill, Helsinki, Finland.

Things will truly be different now...

Global Warming Hits Finland

2007-05-29T18:16:00.001+03:00

Global Warming Hits Finland, originally uploaded by janihelle.

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007, 4pm.

30.4 degrees Celcius in the shade.

Location: Espoo, Finland.

No, this is not a joke.

This is global warming.

It is NEVER this hot in May in Finland. And not just hot. It's really humid too. The weather forecast for this week is rain and thunder, between 12 and 23 degrees centigrade. Every day. Instead, I'm sweating like a pig on a large open flame.

We're used to two kinds of summer here in Finland: wet and cold, or hot and dry. Usually both during the same summer months.

This year, the summer started early. It feels like the hottest days of summer. In May. The only exception is the unforeseen humidity. The unbearable humidity. We're used to dry heat.

As for the rain and thunder, the forecast wasn't completely off the mark. True, on mention of the burning sun and sweltering heat, but there's pain almost every day. Yet, it's not the summer rain that we're used to. It's tropical.

Take the last few days for example. It has been unbearably humid since about Friday. Yet sunny and warm every day.

Truth be told, the weather has been quite peculiar for the last week or so.

Friday evening and night was really misty in Espoo.

Saturday it rained in the morning, while late evening brought with it a severe thunderstorm that cut power and TV transmissions around Finland. Initially, it was thunder without rain. Then came the rain, pouring down on us. Hard. During the day was sunny.

Sunday was hot, with a cool breeze at most times. The papers were predicting that the heat (helle in Finnish...) was coming soon. More rain.

Monday was another got day, hitting some 27ish degrees at best. The late afternoon brought a few surprises with it. A rolling clap thunder which lasted some 10 seconds. Then five minutes of silence from above. Then another rolling clap of thunder, accompanied with 5 minutes of rain. Naturally, we we're outside at Seurasaari at the time, looking for squirrels to feed. After the rain, the rest of the day was nice and sunny, slightly cloudy. Ok weather for sitting at a terrace drinking a beer.

Today, Tuesday has been tropical. The kind of weather when you'd rather sit inside at home or an air-conditioned bar than be outside, with the exception of being at the beach...

The summer has started with a bang, a flash of heat that doesn't seem to go away. And it's only the end of May. Warn your grandparents, it's going to be a hot summer. In the mean time, it's time to bring out the shorts and bikinis, and enjoy this unusual weather.

Don't forget the suntan lotion!

(My prediction for the summer, all over Europe: death from heat exhaustion. The summer of 2003 was hot, and thousands of old people perished, especially in France. No need to travel to the tropics, because the tropics are coming to us this summer. And America, prepare for Katrina The Sequel... This might really be the summer when everyone realizes that global warming is not a myth...)

Gucci Is So Last Year...

2007-05-23T01:26:00.001+03:00

Noticed a funny bit of graffiti on a wall at the bus stop on Länsiväylä, near Westend... I really would've wanted to have seen what the person who wrote that graffiti looked like...

Note: At last check, the graffiti had been removed... Most tags are left as they are, but the funny ones are washed away. Or did Gucci complain?

Exempt From Military Service In Times Of Peace

2007-03-12T20:21:00.000+02:00

Earlier today I was granted exemption from military service in times of peace due to health reasons, namely, my back is fucked up.

For background information, Finland has a conscription army, in which each able-bodied and able-minded man between the ages of 18 and 28 must serve for either 180, 270 or 362 days, as well as being an active member of the reserves until age 60. The service is voluntary for women.

I initially entered the service two years ago on January 10th 2005, serving for a total of 45 days until February 23rd, two days six of the oath and the completion of boot camp. I was discharged for two years due to the condition, and March 12th 2007 was set as a reevaluation day for me.

This morning at 9am I arrived at the Finnish Military Headquarters in Helsinki. To cut the story short. I waited, stood in line, showed my ID, got my service file, waited, spent a few minutes with the military doctor, spent a few minutes with a board of officers, waited, was escorted out of building, and went home. I came with a doctor's evaluation paper, marking me as unfit to serve in the military. I left with a piece of paper stating that I am unfit to serve. I also had received 7.20€ for bus money.

So, now with me never having to serve 6-12 months of my life in the military making as little as 3.60€ a day (15 cents an hour) in the first few months of service, I'm free to pursue my goals. University, here I come! (Guess I really should start studying...)

100 Things We Didn't Know This Time Last Year

2007-03-11T16:01:00.000+02:00

Here's a link to an interesting list of 100 things we didn't know this time last year, from BBC.co.uk

BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | 100 things we didn't know this time last year
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/4566526.stm

New Theme To My Opera Blog

2007-03-10T21:55:00.000+02:00

Initially, I planned for my Opera Community blog (http://my.opera.com/janihelle/blog) to be merely photos and links to interesting things. These things happen when you have 5 different blogs, covering 5 different themes. I have practically forgotten about all my other blogs, and focused on HellBroadCast (http://hellbroadcast.blogspot.com), covering news articles, politics, and human interest issues. With this in mind, I am transforming my Opera blog into a duplicate of HellBroadCast, posting all articles on both blogs, mainly to attain a larger reader base, having realized that the Opera Community is expanding daily. So stay posted, because I have a lot of material in the works...

The Place That Affected Me The Most (MARXIM)

2007-02-20T19:04:00.000+02:00

The place that affected me the most? There are so many places, so many cities, and so many countries that have affected me over the years as I met people here and there, learnt things new and reacquainted myself with what I already knew, wherever I would happen to be living at any given time. Nevertheless, there is one place on which the spotlight shines the brightest. There is one particular bar in Budapest, Hungary with a communist feel to it. Situated on a side street where many don’t wonder into without knowing what’s there, in an area that gives you the feeling that you just traveled back almost 2 decades to Communist Hungary. All the buildings look the same, the several factories in view seemingly abandoned years earlier, the buildings deteriorating from a long life of joy and suffering. The left side of the road is populated by several rundown factories that on first glance seem as if they’d crumble from touch like a house of cards. The numerous windows that mark all walls of the factories are like the teeth of a jagged-toothed creature that just crawled out of the desert. On the right side of the road are blocks of concrete said to house human beings. Out of the wall of one of these concrete slabs sticks out a lighted red star half the size of a human being. The same building has its bottom floor painted with what possibly might have a very dazzling shade of red a decade or so ago, the paint in many places long gone, having crumbled to fine dust, an end that may one day face the rest of the building and all his ill-fated neighbors. This urban wasteland has only one bright spot of color in the form of a park only recently erected in an attempt to revive the area sick with bleakness.

The bright five-armed star that overlooks the once-red floor of the building gives off a somewhat eerie glow, yet still brilliantly lighting up the area at night, calling to it those who see it, like a mosquito lamp calls its prey. Upon close inspection, you may not wish to enter through the doorway under the star and step down those few stairs to enter through another door. Yet, there is something about the place that calls your name, that draws your attention, inviting you inwards. Behind this second door lies a crowd of people, bunched up like animals on a farm. Once you step through this door, the heat fabricated by those already inside slaps you in the face with enough force to drive the feeble-minded retracing their steps back out the door. The ceiling is curtained by a thick fog of cigarette smoke, temporarily brushed to one side every time the door opens or when the air conditioning is up and running. Your ears are blasted with the cacophony created by the mixture of people laughing, crying and talking loudly and drunkenly, the television shouting out whatever sports event happens to be on, and the music singing its way through the room to run into your eardrums. The luscious aroma of pizza with all its add-ons crawls up your nose and down to your stomach to tickle your hunger in order to wake him up, just so you can devour one of the gastronomically orgasmic pizzas this place is famous for. Every wall is tattooed with communist slogans and paintings, with red being the predominant color to dress the establishment. The animals on this farm are shacked up into booths like cages, separated by chicken wire, on top of which lies a coiled up snake of barbed wire. Chickens and roosters are drinking their water in one booth, while cows and bulls drink their choice of beverages in another. To finish the job, a burlesque portrait of V.I. Lenin, here known as W.C. Lenin, kindly directs those who temporarily inhabit the watering hole to a place where they may relieve themselves.

This is the place that affected me the most. No other place I’ve been to has ever granted me with such an atmosphere of excitement, joy, drunkenness, and laughter, just to name a small portion of all the feelings and emotions that I experienced within those four walls. The look of the place, the attitude of the people there, the feeling of belonging, all reasons why I spent every possible moment of my free time there with my best friends. It is what became to known as home, for that was where we were all the time, up to and beyond a point where we could be found there every weekend. The place that affected me the most, this small, obscure bar in a desolate neighborhood is called Marxim’s.

[Written 17.09.2002]

Poem: First Degree Burns

2007-02-19T20:00:00.000+02:00

First Degree Burns

Why are we here? I don’t want to be here. Are we mere puppets?
Why are the corpses of soldiers we knew now riddled by a thousand bullets?
The fingers of death rip through the flesh of a young soldier.
His black blood rains on me. I can taste it in my mouth.
He embraces the elephant graveyard. He won’t get up. He’s gone.
The corpse lies by my side, exhibiting the shredded machinery of the dead man.
I think to myself, was he ready? Was this his moment of truth? Was he afraid?
I grit my teeth and look away as another receives his ticket on the black train.
Death lurks behind every tree. He has his hands full tonight. Why can’t you just disappear?

Asking the questions doesn’t help our souls now, surrounded by the constant colours crimson.
I hold my rifle closer to my chest and shut my eyes, my life on ransom.
I sink in the quagmire, trying not to listen to the shrills of dying souls.
Yesterday we were happy, laughing, joking. Not dying. There are no jokes today.
The powers that be ordered us into the killing fields of blood and mud.
Today they laugh and drink their coffee as we drink our blood.
Here we are, no escape. Take cover from death’s head, lurking in the treetops.
Death’s bell is ringing for us now, loud like angry mobs.
We fall as Dies Irae sounds. How much more can we endure?

A jet roars above and drops its deadly payload of hell over us.
The evening erupts in the brightest darkness. Why are they burning their own?
A hundred yells fill the woods and turn into the last moans of agony.
The flame sweeps past me. The soldier by me isn’t as lucky.
Paralysed with terror, I watch the flame engulf him and devour his clothes.
His eyes roll as his face shrivels, his flesh melting in the heat of the fiery killer.
Motionless I lay, watching a scream erupt from his scorched lips as he stands up for the last time.
His charred corpse twitches and falls limp on me. The stench overwhelms my senses.
Ardent men fall like corn under the sickle. Is it just me amidst the scorched carnage?
It’s too much. I can’t stand it. Waterfalls begin to flow as I stand up and face the gates.

JANI HELLE
April 1st 2001

Dolphin-Safe Naval Base

2007-02-16T22:24:00.000+02:00

The US Navy is considering the deployment of extra troops to a military installation in Washington state. The troops in question? Dozens of trained dolphins and sea lions.

Apparently, the US Navy feels it needs to tighten security at Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor, located on the Puget Sound close to Seattle. The reason for this? The base is good to submarines, ships and laboratories and is potentially vulnerable to attack by terrorist swimmers and scuba divers.

Dolphins? Sea lions? Terrorist scuba divers? This is starting to sound like a bad, low-budget action flick, sponsored by the Department of Homeland Security. And just what classifies a certain location "potentially vulnerable" to terrorist attacks? Thus far its been mass transportation (London, Madrid), symbols of capitalism (The Twin Towers) and western democracy (notably American symbols and buildings, such as embassies, the Pentagon, etc.), crowded areas (markets in Iraq, night clubs in Bali, hotels in Egypt and Syria), and American soldiers (Middle East). The difference between terrorists targeting 'soft' targets, such as civilian buildings and civilians in general is to incite fear into people, whereas terrorists attack American soldiers and their bases abroad to undermine America's presence and influence in the region. I do not see a terrorist attack on an American military installation very plausible within the United States, mainly due to their sheer size, and the fact that such an attack would involve planning on a scale never seen before. Sure, Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, but has anyone heard of Al-Qaeda possessing a fleet of aircraft carriers, destroyers and bombers? It's really just doesn't seem like it world happen, especially as you consider that most terrorist attacks have been committed by only a few people at a time.

And now Americans and the whole western world with them is supposed to be on the lookout for terrorist scuba divers? I wouldn't be surprised if next you hear that DHS is going to start complying a list of all licenced scuba divers in the States, whilst the Transport Security Agency (TSA) adds "Have you ever swam with a bomb with intent to blow something up, or have you ever been trained as a suicide swimmer by a terrorist organization" to their list of 'Tick Yes or No to the following questions (ticking a single yes will result in many many questions, while Bubba stripsearches you)' form which every visitor must fill out upon entry to the USA.

Then again, keep in mind that the use of sea mammals by the US Military is not a new scheme. The US Navy actually has a program called the Marine Mammal Program that's been training California sea lions and Atlantic Bottlenose dolphins since the 1960's and has a small army of them numbering some 100. The "troops" have seen action as recently as 2003, when they were deployed to the Iraqi harbor of Umm Qasr to detect underwater mines.

Naturally, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has expressed their concerns with the use of there sea mammals by the US Navy for such tasks...

Now that I think about it, this whole use of dolphins and sea lions by the Navy kinda sounds like a crazy Cold War-era defence scheme, one from the more bizarre extreme. Come to think of it, the program is a relic of the Cold War. No wonder it sounds so loony...

Source:
Dolphins may protect the nation, one fin at a time - CNN.com [ http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/12/dolphins.sealions.ap/index.html ]

Let's File It Under "Oops"; FBI Misplaces Laptops

2007-02-16T22:22:00.000+02:00

Several days ago it was reported that the FBI had lost 160 laptops in the last four years, some 51 of them containing sensitive information. Before that, the FBI had misplaced over 300 laptops in a space of just over a few years. Every newspaper article in print and online that I've come across this story in (and that's not too many), not a single one mentions any kind of punishments for those responsible for the losses or thefts. Better yet, the situations where the agents have lost these laptops as well as weapons are in a few cases ridiculous; unlocked cars, leaving them behind at restaurants, grocery stores, restrooms, etc... With reports of identity thefts in the news frequently due to mishandling of laptops, data, or just plain human stupidity, I haven't heard of any punishments for those responsible. It's always either an announcement of the fact that they've been lost, with little or no information or apology, or in some cases just a simple "oops, we were stupid. Sorry, we'll try not to do it again" statement. To get an idea of the amount of identity thefts going around,
In England, on the other hand, The Nationwide Building Society was fined £980,000 (~€1.5m / ~$2m) for the theft of ONE laptop from an employee's house, a laptop which contained banking information from some 11 million of the corporation's clients. Now how many people have the FBI and other institutions, universities and corporations compromised due to their "mishaps"? The BBC article mentions that it is not known whether Nationwide fined, fired or disciplined the employee in question or not, but one would think the company might wanna do that, considering the cost of the ordeal to the company, in terms of money and image. Guess the FBI didn't feel the need to, seeing as people's view of the bureau is already tarnished, and it's just another instance of a big OOPS!

[Note: The BBC website has some pretty good information to turn to in case of Identity Theft. CNN, not so much...]

Sources:
FBI loses laptops with classified information - CNN.com ( http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/12/fbi.laptops/index.html )
FBI still losing laptops, weapons - Homeland Stupidity ( http://www.homelandstupidity.us/2007/02/13/fbi-still-losing-laptops-weapons/ )
BBC NEWS | Business | Nationwide fined for stolen laptop ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6360715.stm )

You Know You Have Been In Finland Too Long, When...

2007-02-10T22:30:00.000+02:00

I've received this as an e-mail forward many many times, and I just ran across it in the International Edition of Helsingin Sanomat, the leading newspaper in Finland, on their website. I think it's about time to publish it...

1. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.

Apparently the plastic bags - formerly free, now costing about EUR 0.10-0.15 - supplied by Finnish shopkeepers are vastly superior to those in other countries. It's probably something to do with the weight of bottles they need to be able to withstand. In bag-stretching competitions (don't laugh, the Finns have had dumber contests than that - most of these wacky competitions are all that the American media ever report about the place) they have allegedly outperformed most condoms currently on the market. In any event, sales of the small black plastic bin-bags (not the BIG ones that line dustbin/garbage cans, but the little ones for in-home use) are pretty poor, and everyone uses the plastic shopping bags as temporary storage for garbage till it gets chucked out. An alternative and less attractive theory is that Finns are too cheap to consider buying shopping bags. Take your pick.

2. When a stranger on the street smiles at you:
a. you assume he is drunk
b. he is insane
c. he's an American

Err... isn't he? This one is getting a bit dated, really. Nobody smiles at you on the street, but the reason is that they are too busy talking into a cellphone or downloading their e-mail from a PDA to recognize anything much more than a few feet of sidewalk immediately in front of their feet.

3. You don't think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.

Ah. Well. Now, I could tell you that dishwashers seem much more common here than in Britain, and that the British habit - the poor devils often only have that one sink and the silly two taps - of not rinsing plates before they put them to dry makes me gag, but the secret to this one is that Finnish houses and apartments have excellent draining cupboards over the sink-unit, where the plates can dry off. No messing with a soggy tea-cloth to dry them. One great advantage of this is that the neighbours never give you "Souvenir of Where-we-went" tea-cloths as a gift for looking after their mail and newspapers, but something requiring a little more thought. When the plates are good and dry, you stack them in the cupboard where you keep them. Simple, really. But in our house, the chances are that the plates and eating-irons hit the table straight from the dishwasher anyway...

4. A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer: "Oh, I'm going to Europe!" meaning any other Western European country outside Scandinavia.

OK. Someone's got to be on the periphery...and we do tend to identify with the other Scandinavian countries, however much we bitch about their respective faults. In many ways, Finland is an island. This is best seen in the fact that numerous rock bands and other artists think twice before playing Helsinki, as they will have to cart 25 truckloads of equipment by sea from Sweden and back, thus adding two or three days to their schedule for just the one gig.

5. You see a student taking a front row seat and wonder "Who does he think he is!!??"

I suppose this can only mean Finnish university students do not volunteer information for discussion at lectures. Many of them are probably asleep, and being young, have not yet perfected the technique employed by MPs, ministers and heads of state for appearing to be awake whilst dozing through meetings.

6. Silence is fun.

The national characteristic of polite reserve, currently being remodelled as people talk energetically into their Nokias and run up huge phone bills on mobile internet or TV chat-channels. The old stereotype of "talkative as a Finn" is becoming endangered as the country grows increasingly urbanised and people have to communicate. On a related note, Midsummer, a very liquid festival held at or around the Summer Solstice, contains one element that proves Finns do have a voice. As the evening wears on, robust and inebriated males of the species engage in good-humoured shouting across lakes at one another, thus: "Pekkaaaaaa, Pekkaaaa", "Arskaaaaa, Arskaaa". The conversation does not usually get much further than bellowed first names, I'm afraid. In such cases, a bit of silence would be fun.

7. The reason you take the ferry to Stockholm or Tallinn is:
a. duty free vodka
b. duty free beer
c. to party heartily...no need to get off the boat in Stockholm or Tallinn, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Finland.

Finns are only mid-way up the European league table in terms of per capita alcohol consumption (6.7 litres per head of 100% alcohol a year, by comparison with the boozy sods in Luxemburg or France who drink nearly twice as much). However, the Finns are the Maurice Greens and Michael Johnsons of the drinking sport, rather than long-distance runners (which is a bit strange when you think about it, given our earlier glories at long-distance running). Alcohol is still viewed to some extent as a forbidden fruit; even after the recent reductions, it is still rather heavily taxed, and whilst the Alko stores are increasingly pleasant and well-stocked places to shop, the truth is still that wines and spirits are not as easily available as in Central Europe. Hence (at least this is my theory and I'm sticking to it) it pays to have a decent belt of the stuff and get some benefit, if it's costing so much and is hard to come by. Sipping is for wusses. In recent years, partly as a result of tax differentials on wine, Finns have moved from the grain and hops mentality in the direction of wine-drinking. At the same time, they have slipped closer towards a European attitude to drink - a couple of glasses on a weekday evening after work - without totally surrendering their proud national traditions of getting legless on Friday and Saturday nights and then going jogging the next morning to shake off the cobwebs. A great deal will change in May 2004, when Estonia joins the EU. This is the reason the government brought down booze prices in March, as it was thought prudent not to encourage people to import hundreds of litres of vodka as soon as the import restrictions were lifted. It remains to be seen how well this will work.

8. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than two spoonfuls per person.

Hey...the coffee's damned good here. And we don't make a fetish out of it like the Americans have started to do. We just drink the stuff, and don't give it fancy foreign names and a huge price-tag. At least we don't drink that instant coffee muck. Note from 2004: We’ll have to climb down on this one a bit. Latte prices have got ridiculous, but Finns still tend to drink more coffee at home than in cafés.

9. You pass a grocery store and think: "Wow, it is open, I had better go in and buy something!"

Opening hours have been pretty much deregulated, and most supermarkets are open till at least 8 or 9, shops no longer close infuriatingly at 2 on Saturdays, and they seem to be forever advertising Sunday opening in the papers. Sunday opening is common in the summer, and also in the run-up to Christmas. Kiosks are open till 21.00, petrol stations often later. This is a typically outdated claim about the country.

10. Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine", "open the television", "close the lights off", and tell someone: "you needn't to!". Expressions like "Don't panic" creep into your everyday language.

Errr... Yeah. I guess.

11. You associate pea soup with Thursday.

Several hundred years ago, when Finland was still a part of Sweden and taxes were levied for the King, money was scarce and peas were used for payment. However, since peas had hitherto mostly been used as pig food, something had to be done to raise their status. The population was thus encouraged to eat pea soup. Soldiers got a weekly portion of pea soup, sometimes strengthened with pig's trotters and the fatty parts of pork. After the meal the bones were used for magic. Thursday became pea soup day, since the Catholic religion proscribed meat on Fridays and people needed a solid dinner the day before. Over the centuries pea soup has acquired at least nine different names in Finnish; moreover it has also become a traditional Shrovetide food, before Lent. Today pea soup is also inseparably connected with the Finnish oven-baked dessert pancake.

12. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no walk symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.

After witnessing on television the horrific scenes filmed by a camera atop a downtown Helsinki building - in which unwary pedestrians doing the above were tossed into the air by passing cars, I can only say it's sensible behaviour to wait for the little green man. Your average city driver follows traffic lights, and usually stops for them, but tends to ignore pedestrians hovering at the sides of crossings. When there are no cars in sight, chances are the one just around the corner is making the most of the unusual lack of traffic and will hit you doing 60. It's not about independence of spirit - it's about staying in one piece.

13. Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.

Again... it's not quite that bad...there are lots of teenagers.

14. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the stores closed, and begin to feel restful instead.

See #9. Also take a trip to IKEA on a Sunday if you want excitement. Mind you, take a book - something like "War and Peace" - for the lines to get into the parking lot and out past the check-out. The only really dull day is Christmas Day (since Christmas is celebrated the evening before), but you can read all those nice brick-like biographies of former politicians that people bought you.

15. You finally stop asking your class "Are there any questions?"

A wise teacher will only ask this question seconds before the bell. This minimizes the awkward silence, and gives everyone a good feeling that they would have asked a question, but...

16. Your old habit of being "Fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.

Nyah... some of us are.

17. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.

What's sexual foreplay?
The Finns are not big in the body-language department. It's that "polite reserve" thing again. There have been dozens of earnest studies of the Finns' shortage of small-talk and touchy-feeliness. The upside of this shortage is that most Finns, gruff and bluff though they might be, are pretty honest. A lack of "daaahling" remarks and hand-kissing in the culture is matched by relatively little back-stabbing after you've gone.

18. You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30°C weather.

As with eating quiche, real men don't wear hats. Crispy ears are a fashion statement. Seriously, however, anything below -10 tends to require long underwear and the regulation woolly hat or "pipo".

19. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. they are Swedish-speaking
c. they are Americans
d. all of the above.

Errrmmm... you always hear loud-talking passengers on trains these days. Just before they start to speak, you hear a loud peeping noise, probably vaguely reminiscent of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy", though with the more modern machines you can programme in your own ringing-tone, so it might be Black Sabbath or Lynyrd Skynyrd or – patriotically – Darude or The Rasmus. When they speak, they say things like: "I'm on the train", and "You are breaking up" (as the train enters a tunnel), and "What's for dinner, love?" and other valuable bits of communication. They are not drunk, nor Swedish, nor American, but Finns through and through. Besides, this whole statement sucks. If you travel on the New York subway or the London tube, it's not exactly the Tower of Babel there, either. It's only the tourists who are talking; everyone else is minding their own business, reading or doing the crossword. Only when the train stops unexpectedly for a suitable length of time do people start talking to their neighbours. Further empirical studies are needed on the number of minutes' stoppage that is required in different countries before I can buy this one.

20. You no longer look at sports pants as casual wear, but recognize them as almost formal wear.

Almost??

21. You have undergone a transformation:
a. you accept mustamakkara (Black blood sausage) as food
b. you accept alcohol as food
c. you accept.

The sausage in question is found mostly in Tampere. Fortunately, it does not travel widely, as it has no known natural predators, and if it got loose it could destroy the digestive system of the entire country. As it remains in Tampere, nobody really cares.

22. You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.

No, I don't think I ever will understand that one... Finns are quite future-oriented at two particular times of the year. On the day after Midsummer (see above), they say "Well, it's all downhill from now on" and prepare feverishly for winter, and similarly after December 21st they perk up and start thinking about Midsummer - ignoring the fact that they still have to get through January, February and March before the place becomes inhabitable again...

23. You no longer have to search for the flushing mechanism.

How dare you! Finnish toilets are the envy of the known world. The little bidet shower that you often get next to the loo ranks amongst the finest inventions of modern man - or woman - and its absence in countries such as the US is one more reason to be proud of our European heritage. The loss to the language of "Pull the chain" is a small price to pay for luxury commodes.

24. You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with loafers.

Nope. And at EUR 2.00 for three pairs from the local Esso, they're a steal. Hey, you can even change them every week!

25. You just love Jaffa.

This carbonated orange beverage is supposed to be the panacea for upset tummies. I find it spoils a perfectly decent gin.

26. You've come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.

The writer seems to have signally failed to grasp the cultural importance of this northern variant of hopscotch or "not walking on the lines", as made famous by A.A. Milne.

27. You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed."

I have long suspected this was the reason why so many religious holidays were moved from their correct mid-week position to the nearest Saturday. Now I know.

28. You enjoy salmiakki.

Salmiakki is - hmm, how can I break this to you gently? - salmiakki is sal ammoniac, and according to Chambers Dictionary of Science and Technology (a venerable edition from 1974), it is: "chloride of ammonia, which crystallizes in the cubic system. It is found as a white encrustation around volcanoes, as at Etna and Vesuvius. It is used in chemical analysis, in medicine, in dry batteries, as a soldering flux, and in textile printing". Salmiakki is also the name given to a salty licorice candy containing this strange stuff, and is immensely popular among Finns, particularly when they are not in the country and therefore cannot get it. It even became a drinks fad almost as threatening to the nation as absinthe was to France, when mixed with vodka to make "salmiakkikossu". Along with hard rye crispbreads and other delicacies, it is a staple of web-sites advertising Finnish goods for the poor souls who are no longer resident here. I have also heard that salmiakki is a by-product of one of the nastier bits of the pulp and paper industry, but this myth, delightful though it may be, is probably no worse than the thought that Finns of all ages are stuffing themselves silly with something that might better be used in a dry cell battery. You will never know until you have tried it.

29. You know that "Gents" is another term for sidewalk.

The City of Helsinki is somewhat concerned about two aspects of urban life at present, to wit the presence of "ladies of the night" in some districts, and the weakness of the Finnish bladder. A few years ago the old draconian rules about public alcohol consumption were relaxed, with the result that major street festivals - May Eve and the Helsinki Festival's "Night of the Arts" are two that come to mind - became very liquid indeed, to the point of public urination in places where people shouldn't. The city fathers have since then tried to curb both the hookers and the piss-artists, and the government introduced nationwide legislation on the subject of public drinking not so long ago. Even so, if you plan to be in Helsinki on May Eve, pack rubber boots.

30. You know that more than four channels means cable.

Yes, mate, and I know the Springsteen song, too - "Fifty-seven channels and nothing on". Besides which, TV is yesterday's thing - nearly everybody is tuning in to the Net instead. Apart from English soccer and the hardcore porn that kicks in on a couple of channels after midnight, most of the cable stuff is re-runs anyway, and it doesn't come cheap. Digital TV is also coming in, which increases the choice for those without a satellite or cable connection.

31. When you're hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.

Many restaurants, even at the top end of the scale, still make a point of serving the boiled potatoes that are a part of the fish hors d'oeuvres table in their skins. This is not only in the summer, when new potatoes don't really have any skins to mention, but also in the winter months, when they do. I imagine it's a vitamins thing. Finns are very adept at removing the skins, having learnt the technique from birth. Other nationalities, unskilled in these niceties, look on in horror. "Let them eat French (Freedom) fries", say I.

32. You've become lactose intolerant.

Milk is still drunk at the family dinner table, although beer, OJ, and even - gosh! - wine are making inroads on this custom.

33. You accept that 80°C in a sauna is chilly, but 20°C outside is freaking hot.

A teeeensy bit over the top... In truth, anything under 80°C is "a warm room" or a Swedish sauna. Outside of these two places, sauna is generally unrecognizable anyway and not worth the bother. And to qualify the outside temperatures, 1997,1999 and 2003 were all vintage summers, and it was in the high 20s (that's over 80°F) for days and weeks on end. Nobody complained except the farmers, and they always complain anyway. Speaking personally, I think too much is made of the cold here. It's all people ever think about the place. I can assure you I've never been as cold as on an English school playing-field. It's not the cold that'll get you, it's the dark. November is for the real lovers of Finland. Anyone else with an ounce of sense gets out on October 31 and doesn't return until the Christmas lights go on. By the time the really chilly stuff hits, there's snow about and it seems lighter already. Houses are so well insulated that hypothermia is pretty much reserved for derelicts, but SAD ("seasonal affective disorder" - basically a lack of adequate sunlight) affects us all to some extent in the winter months.

34. You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.

35. You eat herring in 105 ways.

Well, actually most of us do far more than that...we knit socks from herring, scrub our backs with herring in the shower, use herring-eyes as shirt buttons, sculpt herring into dainty household ornaments, grind up herring scales for use as an aphrodisiac, and fill our cars with herring liver oil. At the current price of gasoline, you know it makes sense. Again, this is all a bit passé. Herring is no longer such a staple. For one thing, it is conspicuously more expensive than chicken, pound for pound, and it's a lot easier to order a pizza or Chinese. As Descartes said: "Cogito ergo dimsum" - I think, therefore I eat takeaway.

36. "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.

We've done this one... Politicians use "No comment" out of old habits, believing they'd better check with the Soviet Embassy before they say anything. They reserve comments for their biographies (see above).

37. You can't understand why people live anywhere but in Finland.

Well, you can't really call it "living", now can you? I mean they just "eke out an existence" elsewhere. And one good thing about this place (touch wood) is that with the sole exception of the summer mosquitoes, we don't have many of the "Acts of God" that so often beset places that are warmer, more glamorous, and where the booze is cheap and plentiful. Which is nice.

Source: http://www.hs.fi/english/extras/toolong

My Blogs+Feeds

2007-02-09T11:54:00.000+02:00

HellEnvisioned: The Full Story
http://janihelle.blogspot.com
http://feeds.feedburner.com/janihelle

HellBroadCast: Welcome To The World
http://hellbroadcast.blogspot.com
http://feeds.feedburner.com/hellbroadcast

HellEnvisioned: A Lighter Look On Life
http://www.bloglines.com/blog/janihelle
http://feeds.feedburner.com/bloglines/janihelle

HellEnvisioned: The World Around Us
http://my.opera.com/janihelle
http://feeds.feedburner.com/opera/janihelle

HellEnvisioned: The MySpace Generation
http://blog.myspace.com/janihelle
http://feeds.feedburner.com/myspace/janihelle

HellEnvisioned: Facebook Notes
http://feeds.feedburner.com/facebook/janihelle

Essay: Peace

2007-02-08T20:59:00.000+02:00

This is an essay I wrote several years ago as a high school assignment. I kinda like it.

Peace

With the enormous diversity of the world, is peaceful co-existence achievable? This world is not built on one idea, on one belief, or on one view on anything. There are over six billion individuals on this planet, following many different beliefs and ideals, everyone with their own idea of the world. With this in mind, how can two people, let alone six billion live together in peace, be able to co-exist without quarrel, to the end of time? As humans, can we achieve world peace?

Peace is a concept that everyone has an image of in his or her head, shaped as everyone themselves sees it. Is peace a world of butterflies and green pastures that some people may see it as? Or is it to be able to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and at night go to sleep with the very same smile, undeterred? Or is it something more political, such as the elimination of border disputes, armed conflicts, and going to war over menial issues such as religion, race, or personal grudges of political leaders?

As humans and as nations, we’re never completely satisfied. Humans always want more, want the best, want everything better and more expensive that our neighbors. Countries always want more land, more money, more resources, more markets, more of everything good. The world is greedy. Human and national differences will always get in the way of achieving peace. As humans we bicker and quarrel over menial things such as money, jobs, fame, looks, even the fact that our neighbor’s apple tree is dropping it’s leaves on our yard. And those are the smallest of things we fight about. Caucasians, consciously or unconsciously, see themselves as the main race, the main skin color. It’s the White Man’s World. Everyone else is lower on the list. Doesn’t fit everyone’s view of a peaceful world, does it?

Earth is a melting pot of a great number of religions and beliefs, one major reason for the fact that people still quarrel and wage war on each other. Take the world today. Islamic fundamentalists are waging war on the West, on America in what they call Jihad, the holy war. For those participating in Jihad, their cause is to hate and destroy something they do not believe in, something that goes against their beliefs. For them, peace cannot be achieved before the “infidels” are destroyed or converted, before everyone believes in Allah and adheres to His rules. That’s not most of the world’s view on peace. Western thinking is more liberal in defining peace so it involves all religions. Freedom. Freedom to do, say and believe in whatever one says. Looks good on paper. In reality, someone or something must always be at the top. One or a few religions or beliefs are above most. To say that one may believe and live without being prejudiced doesn’t ring true in reality.

“Nothing is impossible, just improbable,” someone once said. The quest for peace, for peaceful co-existence fits this quote quite well. We don’t all think alike, believe alike, nor do we all dream alike. There is no one definition of peace on this planet. We all want something different. Sure, it’s easy to say that we should all stop fighting and arguing, but we’re humans. There’s always something nagging us. Even as nations we can’t just drop everything and begin to live happily with everyone else. It’s a good idea, but all nations are run by individuals or groups of individuals. There’s always something in the way. Such as religion and beliefs. We don’t agree with everything in this world, especially with everyone else’s opinions, beliefs nor looks. One quote we have all heard at one point in our lives is ”Can’t we all just get along?” When is this day coming? When we stop being humans.

Jani Helle
08.09.02
English Lang. 1

Super Bowl Ads

2007-02-08T20:19:00.000+02:00

Here's a link to this year's Super Bowl Ads on MySpace.

http://www.myspace.com/superspots

There's a few really lame ones, such as the Chevy Singing one, but most of them are really good. When a company pays some $2.5 million for 30-seconds of airtime, you'd think they'd make the clip worth every penny. Or don't they have any money left after paying for the airtime?

There's A Smiley In My Beer!!!

2007-02-08T17:15:00.000+02:00

This photo as not been Photoshopped. Really makes you wanna drink beer though, the Happy Drink!!!

My Wisdom Teeth

2007-02-08T17:11:00.000+02:00

I had my two right-side wisdom teeth pulled last Tuesday. So I've been a bit on the grumpy side these past few days. I hate going to the dentist (who doesn't?). And I've gone to the dentist some 20ish times in the last year or so, to completely fix every little problem in my teeth. Not fun. The biggest problem I have with the dentist? The bloody anaesthesia. I hate needles. I really do. Especially in my mouth. (Even worse when they miss, and stuff the anaesthesia STRAIGHT into the fucking nerve.) At least I know the stuff is working cuz MY ENTIRE MOUTH IS NUMB WITHIN SECONDS!!! Anywho, this time I received not one, not two, but SEVEN anaesthesia shots. The actual pulling of the teeth wasn't that bad, but SEVEN?!?! The worst part is that sometime in the coming months I've gotta go get the other two wisdom teeth pulled. Oh boy, can't wait... It's not that it hurts for the next 2-3 days after the operation, it's just really uncomfortable. Not supposed to smoke at all during that time (yeah, that didn't really work out...). No physical exercise or strain (yeah, get to be lazy!!!). Lots of liquids and ice cream (Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, hallelujah!) So, in the end, not that bad of an ordeal, just don't wanna go through that again...

Wikipedia Article on Wisdom Teeth

Michigan Wants To Declare Disaster Areas Due To Lack Of Snow!

2007-02-04T20:46:00.000+02:00

I guess the headline is funnier than the actual story, but it the headline covers the story pretty well. The reason for the call for designating parts of the Upper Peninsula disaster areas is to save small local business from going under, as they rely on snow to bring in the customers... For further information, read the articles from the sources below...

Sources:

http://www.mlive.com/newsflash/michigan/index.ssf?/base/news-41/1170287046325250.xml&storylist=newsmichigan

http://www.dvorak.org/blog/?p=9545

$500 Fine To Miss Parent-Teacher Meeting

2007-02-03T20:52:00.000+02:00

Texas State Legislature has introduced a bill that will fine parents $500 if they miss of choose not to attend a meeting with their child's teacher. I could leave it at that, but it's just so ridiculous that it needs clarification...

The bill was introduced by Republican Wayne Smith, stating that the law would help in creating better bonds between teachers and parents, which in turn would be beneficial for the kids. But threatening parents with a 500 dollar fine AND a criminal record? First California introduces a bill to ban the spanking of kids, now Texas wants to continue the Goverment trend of telling parents how to bring up their kids... I'd love to see what's next in line... A bill making parents accountable for their children's bad grades? Or forcing parents to attend their child's Little League game and cheer with genuine enthusiasm, or face time in jail?

Naturally, there are people contesting this bill, including teachers who see it as telling parents that the schools are out to get them, putting extra, unnecessary pressure on the parents. The law would also be difficult to enforce, suggesting that the bill would not pass. But, you never know anymore. We'll see what happens...

Source: http://www.homelandstupidity.us/2007/02/03/skip-a-parent-teacher-meeting-get-a-fine/

Dealing with Shoplifters on Drugs

2007-01-29T22:32:00.000+02:00

Just another fantastic day at work in your neighborhood convenience store. One can always tell the deprivation of a neighborhood by the delinquents and the people who stand out of the norm, and not in a good way. Working the evening shift at Alepa Kivenlahti in Espoo (undoubtedly you might know that place, but if you do, you know what kind pond scum mill around there...) today, there was a large number of people purchasing alcohol. (Note: it's a Monday...) And I'm not talking about the alcoholics who frequent the store on a daily basis, but the people aged 25 and below. (one girl aged about 21 or so was boasting to her friend that she'd been drunk the whole last week while on sick leave from work, bitching about having to go back to work the next day, while buying two 12-packs of beer. Her friend suggested she call in sick tomorrow on account of her impending hangover, much to the delight of the first girl, who seemingly thought this to be a good plan...) Then, to top off the night, at about 7pm two guys and a girl walked in, with intention to shoplift (I didn't notice them enter the store as I had guite a line of customers at my cash register. Had I noticed them, I would have sent them straight out as atleast two of them are known to shoplift, having done so before.) My co-worker noticed the girl filling her handbag with cider cans (and we're not talking of a few cans, but 10ish) and confronted her as she was walking towards my register. Seeing this, guy #1 emptied his own bag (which he had filled with beer and cider) and proceeded to the cash, looking all innocent, as if he had nothing to do with the girl. As the two of them were ushered to the exit emptyhanded, guy #2, who at this point was standing in line, holding a 12pack of beer, started to move past my cash register (still carrying his loot). I managed to stop him before he reached the door, taking hold of him and the beer. Naturally, he didn't really like being caught, and began wrestling to loosen my grip on him. Thankfully, another customer came to my aid in holding him, and getting him to the ground, whilst another helped by holding the door closed as the girl and guy #1 were coming back for their friend, protesting that he hadn't done anything (nevermind the unpaid beer he was holding whilst heading for the door...). The girl and guy #1 finally took off as my co-worker called the cops to come get guy #2, who was still persisting in trying to escape, even while me and the customer were holding him on the ground. The dumbass was also bleeding from the lip as he'd hit his face on the ground whilst trying to bounce up, trying to catch us off guard, and was now complaining that I had punched him in the face. The fun continues; calming down for a minute of two, the guy I was sitting on started to threaten me and the customer, saying that it would take him all of a minute to kill us... After some 5-15 minutes (you tend to lose track of time when your body is pumping adrenaline through you) the cops finally arrived, put the struggling guy in handcuffs, sat his ass down on a chair, started asking us about just what the hell really happened here. After passing our information to the cop, along with a rundown of what happened, and descriptions of guy #1 and the girl. He then radioed the descriptions to another patrol car in the vicinity, noting that they seemed like old friends, mentioning a few names which sounded familiar to me under earlier, similar instances. (the other patrol car radioed back a few minutes later, asking for clarification on the descriptions, after which they informed us that they'd caught the other two.) Then, after watching the security camera tape and getting some more info, the cops left with guy #2 in handcuffs, and it was back to work as usual for the last few hours.

Now, this is not the first time I've had to go through this bullshit at the same store. Daily one deals with these idiots, and on one occasion before I've physically caught several guys running past my cash register with beer under their jackets. (On that occasion, they finally managed to push past us and run away. This time I'd learned my lesson and instead of "politely" asking the perp to shut up and sit down, I needed to get this guy off his feet, on the ground, so he wouldn't get the chance to run away.) All the shoplifters we've encountered are in their early 20's, so they're old enough to buy the beer themselves, but, alas, they're narcs. And it's always the same group of people. (One of the guys who I almost caught the first time I went through this is the boyfriend of the girl we caught shoplifting tonight, and I swear each and everyone of them in that group has been to jail atleast on one occasion, either for shoplifting or drugs, or both.)

All in a day's work in the lovely world of customer service! Hell, it's just a job... If any of the people I've caught or anyone else in that group ever threaten me outside of work (the only time I'm in that neighborhood is when I'm going to or coming from work there), I'm never going there again, for work or anything else. It's just a job, and it's not worth endangering my health and wellbeing for. Do have to admit that the whole thing kinda scares me cuz we're not dealing with normal, sensible people, but rather with narcs with nothing to lose, so fucked up on narcotics that there's no telling what they can or will do... The only reason I've tried to stop them is to give them what they deserve, and that is punishment to the fullest extent of the law. But, hell, it's just a job...

The Beer List

2007-01-27T23:25:00.000+02:00

(as of 27 Jan 2007)

Beer Name/Alcohol %/Country of Origin

1. Koff III / 4.5% / Finland
2. Lapin Kulta III/ 4.5% / Finland
3. Olvi III / 4.6% / Finland
4. Karhu III / 4.6% / Finland
5. Karjala III / 4.6% / Finland
6. HB / ?% / ?
7. Dreher Classic / 5.5% / Hungary
8. Heineken / 5.0% / Holland
9. Singha Draught / 5.0% / Thailand
10. Tiger Beer / 5.0% / Singapore
11. Stella Artois / 5.2% / Belgium
12. Rolling Rock / 4.6% / USA
13. Kronenburg / ?% / ?
14. Desperados / 5.9% / France
15. Ottakringer Pilsner / 5.2% / Austria
16. Foster's / 5.0% / Australia
17. Coors Light / 4.0% / USA
18. Carlsberg / 5.0% / Denmark
19. Tuborg Classic / 4.6% / Denmark
20. Miller Genuine Draft / 4.7% / USA
21. Gösser Gold / 5.2% / Austria
22. Hoegaarden / ?% / ?
23. Kilkenny Draught Irish Cream Ale / 4.3% / Ireland
24. Murphy's Irish Stout / 4.0% / Ireland
25. Borsodi / ?% / ?
26. Puntegammer / ?% / ?
27. Budweiser / 5.0% / USA
28. Kaiser Bier / 5.0% / Austria
29. Smile / ?% / Slovenia
30. Amstel Lager / 5.0% / Holland
31. Bitburger Premium Pils / 4.8% / Germany
32. Arany Asznok / ?% / Hungary
33. Leningrad / ?% / Finland
34. Tsingtao / 5.0% / China
35. Boddington's / 3.8% / England
36. Beck's / 5.0% / Germany
37. Leffe Radieuse / 8.2% / Belgium
38. Staropramen Lager / 5.0% / Czech Rep.
39. Zipher / ?% / ?
40. Saku Original / 4.6% / Estonia
41. Legenda III / 4.5% / Finland
42. A. le Coq Premium Extra / 5.0% / Estonia
43. Sandels / ?% / Finland
44. Norrlands Guld / 6.5% / Sweden
45. Cerveca Sol Especial / 4.1% / Mexico
46. Zhujiang / ?% / China
47. Red Stripe / 5.0% / Jamaica
48. Oxoma / ?% / Russia
49. Guinness / 4.2% / Ireland
50. Budejovicky Budvar / 4.5% / Czech Rep.
51. Pilsner Urquell / 4.4% / Czech Rep.
52. Corona / 4.5% / Mexico
53. Palm / 5.2% / Belgium
54. Grolsch / 5.0% / Holland
55. Twisted Thistle / 5.5% / Scotland
56. Spitfire / 4.5% / England
57. Blanche de Namur / 4.5% / Belgium
58. Barbär / 8.0% / Belgium
59. Holsten Pils / 5.5% Germany
60. Liberty Ale / % / USA
61. Kukko Lager III / 4.7% / Finland
62. Cannabis Beer
63. Light Beer / 4.1% / Finland
64. Saaremaa Tuulik / 5.2% / Estonia

This list is still incomplete, but I'll be updating it regularly, seeing as I drink beer pretty much every day.

Singapore Announces Contest To Build Urban Warfare Robots

2007-01-26T02:31:00.000+02:00

Know how to build robots? Wanna earn $600k? Singapore's Defence Science and Technology Agency (DSTA) is offering 1 Million Singapore Dollars (US$ 652,000) to anyone who can "build a robot that can operate autonomously in urban warfare conditions." The list of requirements is, well, slightly idealistic, to say the least. The DSTA wants to create a robot that "must, on it's own, be able to navigate both indoors and outdoors in an urban landscape and accomplish a set of assigned tasks within a stipulated time." The robot must also be capable of negotiating stairs and elevators, opening and closing doors, all without the aid of satellite navigation, and "search and destroy targets like a human soldier".
Engadget, Gizmodo, and NewScientistTech have the story in more detail.

Now, I understand the benefits of having a small fleet of robots capable of achieving all these things (who wouldn't want to have in AI warfare robot with the ability to move about anywhere, attending to your wishes and needs...), what with the safety implications, being able to infiltrate, safely, efficiently, environments which are becoming too hazardous and costly in human lives in the war on terror. In the right uses, it would be a priceless asset.
But seriously, this kinda scares me. It reeks of "those-things-only-happen-in-movies-we-won't-have-any-problems-like-that". Every movie with robots that possess artificial intelligence, what can go wrong, will go wrong. What especially concerns me is that in order for there robots to be self-reliant and able to navigate everywhere without the use of GPS is their need to be able to visually engage environments and the humans they come in contact with. Is it just me, or does "search and destroy targets like a human soldier" sound like it'll end in tears? As magnificent as the idea sounds in theory, there are still numerous hurdles to overcome.

Nevertheless, if you're interested, the deadline in admitting your entry is May 31st, 2007, after which elimination trials take place until the final winner is announced in August 2008. Get to work...

Sources:

Defence Science and Technology Agency Website

Contest Website

Engadget Article

Gizmodo Article

NewScientistTech Article

[Published on Blogger and Bloglines]

CIA Recruiting on Facebook

2007-01-25T19:09:00.000+02:00

Whilst browsing online the other day I ran into an article about Facebook on the Wired.com website. It appears that the Central Intelligence Agency is reaching out to the networking youth of America through Facebook, in an attempt to recruit American college students. The CIA has had a NCS (National Clandestine Service)-sponsored group on Facebook since December 19th, 2006, where it will stay for two months. Although it's not news that companies advertise on Facebook and other networking sites such as MySpace, using them as pools of potential new employees and customers, this is a new strategy for a national agency in an attempt to recruit "increase the human intelligence capabilities" of the agency and and hire more officers that can "blend more easily in foreign cities." (Wired.com)

Although (apparently) the CIA group is strictly a gateway, an invitation to find out more about the possibility of a career on the CIA payroll (you need to be a U.S. Citizen and have a GPA of atleast 3.0 to apply), and the CIA can't access anyone's profile on Facebook, keep in mind that this is an agency which infiltrates peace groups in the US (um... why? for kicks, maybe?). As the American Civil Liberties Union ponders, what exactly stops them from gathering information from online networking sites? Maybe paranoia and conspiracy theories are just getting the best of us...

[Read the full article]
[Check out the CIA Facebook group(login required)]

Sources: http://www.wired.com/news/technology/internet/0,72545-0.html?tw=rss.index

[Published on Blogger and Bloglines]

Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer

2007-01-24T18:56:00.000+02:00

Truth be told, I had my doubts about this movie before I saw it. With a name like "Perfume", naturally the first thing that came to mind was that I was faced with a chick-flick/thriller. Well, I wasn't completely off the mark. It is a thriller. Based on a Patrick Süskind novel of the same name, or Das Parfum originally, the movie is about a man born with an profound sense of smell who creates the world's finest perfumes, but at a deadly cost. Starring Ben Whishaw, Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman, Rachel Hurd-Wood, and directed by Tom Tykwer, the movie is set in 18th century France, quite the smelliest place in the world at the time. Not having read the novel before seeing the movie, I had no idea what I was in for. My girlfriend, who had read the novel earlier, told me that in the novel, the author describes the world of smells as it is seen (or rather, smelled) by Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw) in such a vivid manner that it might be tricky to replicate this onto the big screen. Even the late Stanley Kubrick, who had been interested in adapting the novel abandoned the project because he considered the novel unfilmable. Needless to say, the tricky task of portraying smells in visual form is a daunting task, and for an adaptation of a novel written around the world of smell, the portrayal of smell in this movie is an element which the success of the movie depends upon. If Kubrick deemed it unfilmable, Tom Tykwer is a visual genius. Watching the movie, at times it was as if the audience could smell the visuals, putrid and sweet alike.

As movie adaptations of novels go, the rule of thumb is that the movie rarely follows the novel that well. 'Perfume', seems to be an exception to the rule. True, I haven't read the novel, but I've been informed that the only real difference between the two is that the movie leaves some of the narration out, but is otherwise true to the novel, beginning to end, birth to death.

'Perfume' manages to gross and even scare at times, but most of the time the viewer is mainly mesmerized by the visual splendor and the overwhelmingly menacing manner of the lead character, even when he does nothing or says nothing. That's exactly what makes him so bloody creepy... It's not really a lead character that the viewer can emphasize with. The character Grenouille rarely speaks, spending most of his onscreen time silent, lurking in the shadows, or silently yet efficiently going about his 'trade'. When he does speak, he seems so innocent and humble.

At first, in the portrayal of his miserable, yet satisfying childhood, the viewer feels somewhat sorry for his sorry state, yet is vaguely hesitant of liking him, because of his weirdness.

As a person, Grenouille is at times a nobody, a part of the mass, and at other times he is so weird, creepy and seemingly inhuman. Yet he has this mystical air about him which keeps one captivated as he slaves away at the leathery, or as he is lost in his own world smells. This phenomenal sense of smell and his ability to use it to his advantage amuses and amazes, especially in the scene when where Grenouille meets the out of date perfumer Baldini (Dustin Hoffman) and impresses him in his lab with his acute skill at composing perfumes.

The movie follows the life of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, born in a fish market, through him finding his passion of life to learn how to capture smell, especially the fleeting smell of virgin beauty, and in doing so create the world's best perfume, albeit through socially unacceptable methods...

In conclusion, Perfume: The Story of a Murderer is a passionate and visually impressive thriller, set in a meticulously well recreated 18th century environment between the putrid stench and miserability of Paris and the picturesque landscapes and element of beautiful Gasse, with it's vivid colors, dark corners and (initially) carefree life, all which gets turned upside down with the arrival of a prospective perfumer with a incredible talent and a secret, murderous dark side, and a passion and goal in life that crosses the line between normal and perversely insane.

I strongly recommend this movie to pretty much everyone, fans of thrillers, of drama, and of really great stories. Now go see it and tell me what you thought.

Sidenote: There's more nudity in this movie than in all the porn movies I've seen to date. I'm not kidding.

For more information on the Author, the Novel and the Movie, see the sources below. (Note: The official website for the movie incorrectly describes it as a movie "...about a man born without a sense of smell...", when he has an inhumanly acute sense of smell, but possesses no personal odor himself. Oops...)

Sources:
IMDb.com

Official Website for the movie

Wikipedia entry for the Movie

Wikipedia entry for the Author

Wikipedia entry for the Novel

[Published on Blogger and Bloglines]

Funny Sites

2007-01-22T21:10:00.000+02:00

Here's a few really funny sites on the real world stupidity of humans. Although most of them are from America, we shall draw no conclusions...

There three sites contain overheard sayings or conversations in several environments, and are updated all the time. The sites are also available in RSS, just add /index.xml to the end of the web address.

Overheard In New York ( http://www.overheardinnewyork.com )

Overheard At The Beach ( http://www.overheardatthebeach.com )

Overheard In The Office ( http://www.overheardintheoffice.com )

Sober Week, pt. 2

2006-11-14T19:20:00.000+02:00

And Sober Week lasted all of 44 hours... Just some half an hour after I posted my last blog, I'm at a bar with my girlfriend and some friends, having a beer and a Crowmoor... Go figure.

It's kind of annoying that when you go to a bar/restaurant/cafe in Finland, your choices of drink are limited to coffee (2e), juice (2-4e), soda (3e), beer (4.50e), and Cider (5e). There's always water, but fuck me if I'm paying a euro for a small glass of water. Of the other choices, the juice is ridiculously overpriced, I've already had 4 cups of coffee today, and I quit drinking soda a bit over a year ago. (traveling to America this summer and drinking a gallon of Dr. Pepper each day for 2 weeks doesn't count...). What does that leave? Alcohol. And no fucking way am I paying any ridiculously insane sum for a tiny cocktail (try 15 euros for a Long Island Ice Tea, half the size of something you'd get in Budapest for 7 euros...) So, with no other options available to me, (going home didn't appeal to me at all), I enjoying a nice, cool beer. Why do I make plans and resolutions which I can never hold up for longer than a few days? Oh well, I love beer. End of story.

Sober Week

2006-11-14T18:33:00.000+02:00

Some make this clear for me: what defines alcoholism? For the last month I've created a habit of going to a bar almost everyday of the week, especially after work. (I work in customer service, I need a beer afterwards...) Would one consider that alcoholism? Even the tiniest bit? Ok, to be fair, the last two months in Budapest before I moved back to Finland are a haze cuz Erik and I got drunk pretty much every single day, so my situation does not compare to that. At all. Shall I just call it a work-related activity, as I REALLY need to wind down and complain about the nuisances, the bitches, the wiseguys, and the nutcases I have to deal with on a daily basis. (I work 3-7 days a week, between 25 and 55 hours a week...)

It's not that I worry about becoming an alcoholic. I don't. There are no instances of alcoholism in my family used, so by genealogy alone, I should be fine. It's just, Finland is not the country you wanna go for a drink every day, less so with my wages. Let's see: 1 beer = 3.50 euros to 6 euros, and you can never have just one, can you?

That times seven equals a lot of money. (2 Schools of Beer Mathematics: 1. You start thinking how much money you've spent on drink, and all the wonderful things you could've bought with that money. 2. You start counting the cost of things in the amount of beers you could've bought with that money...) This spending of money has led my girlfriend and I to spend a Sober week this week. Time will tell how long that lasts, as yesterday, monday, day one of Sober Week, after work, I was craving a beer and my girlfriend had the same primal urge for a Crowmoor Cider... Keep your fingers crossed for us, and if you're at a bar this week, drinking, have one for us, won't you? =)

A Lovely Day At Work

2006-11-05T22:09:00.000+02:00

To really stretch your patience, go visit your local neighbourhood supermarket, situated in the not-so-nice area, with 3 bars, and low-income, government sustained housing right next door. Better yet, go work there. That's what I did today, and do every now and then. Every day is the same; you have the grumpy people who'll complain about EVERYTHING, the grandmas you insist you be their butler, the neighbourhood drunks (and there's a lot of them!), the narcs who every now and then are so fucked that they don't realize that someone will notice them trying to walk or run out with a sixpack of beer under their arm, the kids of alcoholics who think they're really tough and rules don't apply to them, and and any other group of fucking nuisances who I might have forgotten to mention. Let's son, on today's schedule we had several men too drunk to talk, trying to buy A LOT of beer; several narcs who had to be followed around the store, in case something just miraculously ends up in their pockets; a few people too fucked up to realize that having no money on your account means you cannot buy anything;several little 10-14yr old kids of alcoholics threatening to beat me up, calling me a faggot cuz we wouldn't let them play on the slot machine (which is restricted under 15, and anyone under 15 playing on the machine is breaking the law).

That was merely today's happenings. It's like this, and worse, EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE WEEK. I'm only an extra, which means I move from store to store, 3-7 days a week. Of course, this isn't what all little supermarkets are like, but quite a few. Everywhere you must deal with threatening customers, whiners, people complaining about the most mundane shit, alcoholics, brokeass motherfuckers trying to haggle with you about the cost of beer, last minute shoppers who aren't in a hurry to leave, little babies crying and screaming, narcs misbehaving or being threatening, leaving you to worry about what they may be capable of doing in their fucked up state, social outcasts shoplifting (several times a week, 6 days in a row the police were called to the store this summer to catch shoplifters, ranging from a loot of 1.05 euros to 150 euros. I even managed to physically catch 2 of the regular narcs running past my cash register carrying beer under their jackets one lovely monday evening...), kids on the slot machine, kids trying to buy alcohol or cigarettes, swearing at you for not selling them cuz they "forgot their ID in the car" or "home", just to mention a few of the fucking annoying shitheads who one must deal with all the time in this line of work. And hey, I'm an extra. Atleast I can choose where I work. Imagine the regular workers who deal with this same crap 37.5 hours a week.

So the next time you're in a supermarket, and see any of this shit I've just mentioned, take a minute to think about the workers at the store. And please, if you see someone shoplifting, tell someone who works there. It's not too much to ask, is it?

As a final thought, remember that the person sitting behind the cash register serving you is also a human being, possibly a student just like you, trying to make ends meet. They're not that low is society; atleast they have a job...

Helsinki Burns!

2006-05-05T21:20:00.000+03:00

Well, that's what it looks like... A huge fire is storming in the center of the city, right next to the Parliament Building, the National Museum, the Modern Art Museum, the Finlandia Hall, and the railway station. More info to follow. (Not because I don't know anything, but because I can't be bothered right now...) I have pictures, which I'll get online soon...

Tickets To America

2006-04-20T18:57:00.000+03:00

My girlfriend and I have been planning on going to America this summer. Now it's finally settled. Went out yesterday and this morning and bought the plane tickets. A little pricier than the last time I flew over the Atlantic, but hey, atleast we're going now. The tickets from Helsinki to Detroit via Amsterdam and back via Paris cost 878 euros and the tickets from Detroit to Jacksonville, North Carolina via Charlotte, NC and back cost 294 euros. Which brings the total ticket price to 1172 euros. Per person.

18 days.
3 weekends.
8 flights.
26.5 hours on planes.
23.5 hours at airports.
6 Airports.
3 Airlines.
Much shopping.
Much much fun.

The trip will take place between July 28 and August 14. More on that later...

The Godfather

2006-03-29T22:33:00.000+03:00

Don't expect to hear from me for some time, cuz I just went and bought The Godfather for the PS2, a semi-impulsive purchase. It put me back 59.90 euros, which is about the same as one 7-8 hour shift at work, one day's pay... Wasn't easy saying no to temptation when I really wanted the game, had the money to spare, and had my girlfriend Nora encouraging me to buy it... It's great to have a girl like her, someone who'll actually encourage their boyfriend to buy a video game. Hell, just two nights ago I got her interested in Doom, after watching Doom the movie on DVD. I'll let you know when I regain interest in a social life, one not of New York City, 1945-1955...

New Phone

2006-03-10T23:26:00.000+02:00

I finally succumbed to the temptation to buy a new phone. Whilst taking my mp3 player back to the store to be repaired, I paused to browse the cell phones on display. I noticed that a phone I'd kinda wanted was on sale at an affordable price. So, the following day, wednesday, I returned to the store to buy it. So, right now I'm using my new Nokia 3230 Series 60 Symbian cell phone. It cost 270.90 euros, making it slightly pricey, yet affordable. I do have money, now I just have to be more careful and less spendthrift with my savings to save up the money to go to America this summer. I have some 600e saved up right now, with people owing me some 130e and I save 75e-200e a week, so I think I'll have the necessary money saved up by the beginning of July. Probably won't have the 3000e I initially had planned, but I'll have enough so spent two weeks in visiting Erik in Jacksonville, NC.

Trouble with Technology

2006-03-07T20:11:00.000+02:00

I just took my Creative Zen Touch (20GB) mp3 player back to the store for repair. Spent a few days frantically searching for my warranty slip and receipt for it. I hope the warranty covers the problems with it. The actual player worked, there were just several nuisances with it, plus one major problem. If I pressed the NEXT (>>|) button too many times, the player would think I pressed Shuffle instead. Sometimes when I'd turn the player off, it would say 'Shutting Down', but it wouldn't. Sometimes when I turned it on, it would shut down again if I pressed any button. Sometimes it froze and I'd have to wait for the battery to die for it to work again. On top of all there nuisances, lately, just randomly, it decided to only play music through the right headphone, so in order to listen properly, I'd have to tweak the headphones by lifting them out of the socket to a particular 1/4 of a millimeter. So, in two weeks I'll get it back fixed, of I'll get a new one. Till then, I'm musicless...

Things That Piss Me Off...

2006-03-07T17:07:00.000+02:00

Drunk, middle-aged men who think everyone is deeply interested in their lives... If you talk back to them, it encourages them to talk more. If you ignore them, it encourages them to talk louder to you. If you leave, they follow you. If you tell them to go away, they get pissed off. Their primary targets are young girls and anyone working in customer service. So utterly fed up with them. As if working in customer service wasn't dull and annoying enough, there's always these Emmy-award winners to ruin your day, or atleast your day until you can go on a break and have a stress-relieving cigarette and a cup of coffee...

Project Under Work...

2006-03-01T14:24:00.000+02:00

Customer service is one line of work, which is very misunderstood. On both sides of the cash register. I'm working on a set of rules or guidelines to ease working at a supermarket cash register as well as shopping at a cash register, just to maybe make someone's life slightly simpler, be it the customer's or the worker's. Having worked it customer service for several years now, I've faced a lot of nice customers and a crapload of annoying customers. Thus, I'm working on guidelines to ease everyone's life in this field. Even though I've only worked in Finland, there guidelines will be applicable all over the world, in supermarket big and small, even at other customer service lines of work, be it the restaurant world, a clothing shop or even a small store which sells random goods. So stay tuned!

January Recap

2006-02-01T19:49:00.000+02:00

At the end of each month, I'll quickly recap the past months happenings in my life, work, etc...

IMPORTANT EVENTS:
My girlfriend Nora and I celebrated our 1-year anniversary on January 21st, with a dinner at an Italian restaurant.
My sister Julia turned 10 on the 31st.
On a sadder note, my last grandparent, my grandma, passed away at age 91.
I applied to the University of Helsinki to study Political Science. I was allowed to apply as a foreigner, helping my chances a bit.

FREE TIME:
Most of my free time this month was spent doing what I love doing; chilling at cafes with my girlfriend. Must've drank some 400 cups of coffee this month...
Saw two movies this month, Narnia and Jarhead.

WORK:
Hours at Work: 102.75hrs
Shifts: 14
-Tiimari (9 shifts)
-Prisma (2)
-Aleksi 13 (3)
Earnings before taxes: 1029.51€
Average shift: 7.34hrs / 73.54€

That about wraps it up for January. A quiet month, as January usually is, especially after a spendthrift December...

[February Recap coming 01.03.]

Stay tuned for updates!

2006-01-26T20:36:00.000+02:00

Time is a valuable commodity, one which I don't have much of, what with work, a funeral this saturday, and my application deadline the University of Helsinki is this coming tuesday, 31.01. But, I have aspirations!

Coming soon!
-The January Recap;
-an entry entitled "Google Earth, The New Addiction", including .KML files;
-My essays and poems, online for the first time;
-And more!

So Stay Tuned!

Funny Sign

2006-01-16T13:00:00.000+02:00

I was working at Aleksi 13 last weekend and I happened to come across a funny sign. Now, read it in English. If you can't understand the original, translated into English it says: Women's Beavers and Your Face have moved to the 2nd floor.

Snippets of Work

2006-01-16T04:21:00.000+02:00

At the moment I am working for Staffpoint, an extra company, at various places. The last 3 places I've worked for were Tiimari, arts & crafts/everything else; Prisma, supermarket chain ; and Aleksi 13, clothing chain. My job, in order, has been cash register/filling shelves; supermarket cash register; and renovating/moving help.

['Snippets' is a continuing column on various factors of my life.]

Welcome to the New Year!

2006-01-10T00:29:00.000+02:00

Happy New Year everyone!

2006... Why is it the same thing every year? You get accustomed to writing the year as 2005 or whatever, and then the year changes, leaving your brain dumbfounded. So, just like every year, you'll be writing the year wrong until like march... Every year... Look on the bright side though: you have 365 days to learn the year, and then it's back to square one!

2005-12-25T18:26:00.000+02:00

My Book Of The Moment (25.12.2005)

EVENT-full weekend

2005-12-23T19:04:00.000+02:00

16.12.2005-18.12.2005

After months of weekends without any content, due to work, brokeness, or lack of ideas, I finally had a weekend where I had plenty to do each day. Friday (16.12) my girlfriend's parents had bought the two of us tickets to an Andrea Bocelli concert. Yes, opera. This being my first opera concert, I had a certain predisposition towards it. But, truth be told, I really enjoyed it. Honestly, i did. My brother, on the other hand, who was working at the concert (security) did not really enjoy it. So, I am looking forward to more opera in the future. A bit at a time, of course, as to slowly make myself really enjoy it in the future too. (And the tickets are really expensive...)

The next day (Saturday 17.12.) was my girlfriend Nora's friend's birthday party. For this we as a group went to a concert by Don Johnson Big Band at Tavastia in Helsinki. I was heavily medicated so all I drank was coffee. Yes, coffee at a club. The concert itself wasn't really much. Not my kind of music, and honestly, the band looked bored on stage, forced in a way.

Finally, Sunday (18.12.), Nora and I went to the movies to watch King Kong. Some have liked it, some have hated it. Don't care what you say, I loved it. Hey, I cried for the monkey! Really good movie, though won't win the oscar for best movie. Maybe best special effects, but not the best movie of the year.

So that was last weekend, looking forward to a delicious Christmas dinner and turkey sandwiches the next morning this coming weekend!!! Merry Christmas everyone!

Jani

Good Morning World!

2005-12-23T12:05:00.000+02:00

Good Morning!

This is just a formal opening of this yet another waste of time. WHO in their right mind would waste their time writing onto a website, hoping someone out there will give their page more than a brief glance and get interested in their miserable existence? Well, me. Always up for a new waste of time. Aren't you? Yes you are my friend, cuz you're reading this thing right as we speak...
Anyhow, welcome!

I will attempt to fill this page with any little thing that comes to mind, on a whim. So, enjoy!

Ciao Ciao,

Jani